Wednesday, February 16, 2005

Work Trauma

Work has been a never ending trauma for me for quite some time now.  It seems that everything decided to come to head (along with everything else in my life) in the last two months. 
I talked to a co-worker about making the move into her department.  They are growing, its something I really know nothing about, and it would be different.  On top of that, I didn’t see a future in my present department.  Not with the Boss Lady still working there.
All of that seemingly changed when Boss Lady put in her two weeks.  Suddenly doors felt as if they were flying open.  I could do anything!  And people were telling me all kinds of things!  The stories I heard were incredible! 

In the end, though, I am still doing the same thing.  So I figured I had a choice.  I could keep doing the same thing, in the same way, and hope something would change, or I could keep hitting up the other department for a chance of a completely different kind.  So I put in the transfer request (after the boss lady signed it) and kept on my merry way.  I figured, what ever I was supposed to be doing is exactly what I would end up doing. 

Then all hell broke loose.  One person (we’ll call this person M) didn’t want me working for someone else (H) so they were out to “rescue” me.  Another person (we’ll call this one C) didn’t want me working for M and so was out to convince me to stay where I was.  C didn’t have and doesn’t have any issues with H.  H used to work for M.  It all gets very confusing.

Then came yesterday.  M called C to tell C that I am moving to M’s group.  C got upset.  C confronted me to tell me I was making the biggest mistake of my life.  C put some pretty major pressure on me, as well as making some pretty outlandish promises, to get me to stay.

So I had to think.  What was M offering?  What was C offering?  What were they both REALLY saying?

In the end I decided a few things.  M’s group already has someone to do admin work.  They wouldn’t hire me to do all the things that she does.  She is great and loves her job.  That is what she is there for.  M wants to offer me the chance to change, to grow in an area where I have shown some interest and seem to have some ability. 

C’s group has me.  I’m the lowest person on that totem pole.  It keeps getting more and more top heavy, which means I have more to support.  C offered me the chance to grow, to take classes, but I would have to keep doing what I am doing.  There would be no one to take my place.  I would just have to do more on top of what I already do.

And there’s the answer.  I hate what I do.  And I see the writing on the wall.  I know what is coming down the pike.  I see documentation archiving, filing, more tracking and more reports.  And more of people telling me what to do with out me having any real responsibility.  And, if I was to get the responsibility, it would come with a caveat.  It would come with the, “You can do this, but only if you get all of your other work done first.” I would get overloaded, I would work hard to make everything work, I would work overtime, and I would find myself living at the office to get collating done for the meeting the next morning. 

I don’t want to do it. 

So I am taking the job in M’s group.  It might be more of the same, but somehow I don’t think so.  Regardless, it seems my focus has changed.  Work isn’t the end all be all for me anymore.  I now have a dream