Wednesday, February 22, 2006

The Calm Before the Storm

Things have been very calm at work.  Too calm.  I’m half expecting a storm to hit at any moment considering how everything has been working here.  It seems to come in cycles, and those cycles seem to rotate around one person.  I was feeling like I was the cause of the cycles, that perhaps I was goading her into the storms she was creating.  But after the blow-up I have been paying a little more attention.  It seemed very important to sit back and watch.  So I have been. 
I’ve realized a couple of things during this interlude.  One, she may blow at any moment.  Any extra amount of pressure or stress that is not known or expected can push her over the edge.  It’s a long drop for her and she’ll take you with her if you are anywhere near.  Second, when she said she would no longer help a group within our department she meant it.  I’m absolutely amazed that anyone would do such a thing like REFUSE to work for a manager in the department, but that is what she has chosen.  She refuses to the point of almost making him look bad.  If I hadn’t caught on, it might have been a very bad situation.  I did it for him, not for her, but I am still amazed at her actions.
Watching what she has been doing, how she has been acting, has been a bit of a wakeup call for me.  I have been very emotional in this department.  I have been emotional since my last semi-manager beat me up pretty badly.  But I am safe here, for the most part.  My managers don’t beat me up emotionally, they aren’t asking me to be super woman.  They want me to help them succeed just as much as I want to help them.  I just need to give up the wounds I’ve had before and get on with work.
I’m hoping to avoid the storm when it hits next time.  I have been doing my best to distance myself from her and take assignments that leave us in different camps.  The last thing I want is to be caught up in something yet again and get dinged for it in my review.  I want the storms to be hers and hers alone.