Wednesday, May 11, 2005

My New Favorite Word

Deliverable.
Yep – deliverable is my new favorite word.  You know why?  Because when someone wants a piece of my time I say, “I’m sorry, I would love to be able to help you, but I have a deliverable due this afternoon and I simply don’t have the time.”
Deliverable.
It sounds so official.  So meaningful.  So important. 
When I say it, people automatically think I am referring to the board report I am working on.  Don’t bother Elizabeth, she has a deliverable. 

Mostly I am using this tactic on my old boss, who is wanting more and more from me now that he has hired the inept interloper.  That is what I have decided to call her.  She’s “protected” by the powers that be so she keeps getting hired all over the company.  No one really wants her, but how to you say no to your boss?  Apparently good judgment isn’t something that is required here. 
So, since the inept interloper (I even like typing it, makes me feel a giddy sense of satisfaction) started my old boss has asked me to teach her, not just everything I DO, but everything I KNOW.  Those who know me realize this is a great affront to my sensibilities.  Why, oh please tell me, why should I teach this woman, who is inept and an interloper, everything I KNOW?  Come on!  That would be like asking the Dali Lama to bestow all of his knowledge to Brittney Spears!  Knowledge is earned, its something you pick up on, I have spent years learning what I know, I am not about to “give” it away to this woman.  (Who, mind you, has been with the company for a few years and should already have a lot of the knowledge I have gleaned.) So, to get out of giving away my precious knowledge, I have become too busy.  I now have pending deliverables that I MUST work on.  I simply don’t have the time.
Besides, isn’t it his job to tell her what he wants?  We didn’t exactly meet eye to eye on things, and now he has the chance to tell the inept interloper how to do everything exactly as he wants it.  I doubt she would ever question him…
So, yesterday’s training was a treat.  A treat beyond belief.  After spending two hours with her on Monday, going over everything that needed to be completed and leaving her with various tasks, I hurried off to rounds of meetings and my own work to do. 
Yeah.  When I got back to her yesterday I couldn’t believe my eyes.  Every month I create a Power Point presentation.  It’s got several pieces and runs about 20 pages long.  This portfolio all goes in the meeting packet together.  I put it all into one presentation so it’s easier to print.  That’s the only reason I do it.  Printing and collating is easier.  I showed up at her desk to find she was printing each page separately.  EACH PAGE SEPERATELY.  I am serious.  So instead of 25 copies of a 20 page document, she had 25 copies of each page.  She was then going to collate them all together.  I wanted to bang my head on the desk.  I think she thought I would help her put it all together, but she is so slow in learning everything that I didn’t have time.  I really had to check on my real job, the one I am getting paid for, after spending 2 more hours walking her through other stuff and checking her work. 
I am sure she made at least an hour of extra work for herself. 
I want to feel bad for her, but I can’t.  She’s proven to me over and over that she just doesn’t want to think.  She wants to be told what to do and then watched as she does it.  That will be her manager’s job.  Not mine.