Friday, November 03, 2006

I Problem

I didn’t want to come to work today.  Things have been on the “rough” side lately and I really don’t want to deal with it anymore.  I keep feeling like I have hit this wall before and I have never gotten past it – so what’s different this time?
Nothing really.  It’s just a different person trying to prove something and wanting to take me down in the process.  I am not sure why.  Okay, that’s a lie.  I know exactly why this person wants to take me down.  It’s because he thinks I make him look bad.  Really, he makes himself look bad and picking on me just makes him look worse. 
It’s a pain in the ass to deal with it though. 
I’m doing my usual “shut up and watch” thing now.  This is my defense mechanism.  When people start picking on me because they think I am too smart and I am making them look bad, I just shut up and make them fend for themselves.  I stop asking leading questions, I stop giving my input into what the solution might be, I just stop talking altogether.  I don’t think it hurts my cause to stop speaking up – after all what is my cause anyway?  I continue to do my work, I do what I am told, I just don’t speak up anymore. 
That usually makes the person attacking me very uncomfortable.  My theory is that they suddenly start thinking I have some sort of plot against them.  That I am out to get them and my lack of speaking is my plotting and planning brain hard at work. 
Really, I am not that interested.  I figure if they want me to shut up that is exactly what I will do.  I’m not going to argue.  I’m not going to make a fuss.  If you want me to stop, I will.  No big deal. 
It just bugs me that I have to deal with this yet again.  I keep waiting to work with people who have enough confidence in their work to just work.  I have a feeling I will be waiting for a LONG time.