Monday, January 17, 2005

forgive

Main Entry: forgive
Pronunciation: for - giv,
Function: verb
Inflected Form(s): for*gave; for*giv*en; -giv*ing
Etymology: Middle English, from Old English forgifan, from for + gifan to give
1 a : to give up resentment of or claim to requital for (forgive an insult) b : to grant relief from payment of (forgive a debt)
2 : to cease to feel resentment against (an offender) : PARDON (forgive one's enemies)

To forgive is the highest, most beautiful form of love. In return, you will receive untold peace and happiness.
-- Robert Muller.

When you forgive, you in no way change the past -- but you sure do change the future.
-- Bernard Meltzer.

A wise man will make haste to forgive, because he knows the true value of time, and will not suffer it to pass away in unnecessary pain.
-- Samuel Johnson.

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I've been told many times in my life that true contentment, true inner happiness can only come through forgiving those that have wronged you. And so I have.

Somehow I have managed to forgive. I have forgiven my father for taking his own life. I have forgiven my stepfather for what he put me through. I have forgiven my mother and continue to forgive my mother still. (Just as she has forgiven me and continues to forgive me, I know it goes both ways) I have forgiven the children of my past and the adults of my present for the dirty looks, the jibes and the mean gestures.

I have forgiven many people for many things. But there remains one person in my life I have yet to forgive. One person I still hold accountable for all actions, regardless of the state of mind this person was in, regardless of the influences this person suffered, regardless of all. I cannot forgive.

Myself.

I am the person that I am. When I give myself, whether at work or school or love, I do it fully. I jump right in with both feet and half my body before thinking if what I am doing is right. I have always been this way. I give everything. If the world was mine, I would gladly give that too. When I hurt, it is to the same extreme. All of me is hurt, I feel the pain with my entire body, I suffer fully.

I have tried to not be this way, to change, but to no avail. My nature is otherwise inclined. I love as I lose, with everything.

I have forgiven those that have hurt me, just as I will continue to forgive. It is my way. Somehow, though, I must learn to forgive myself as well. Perhaps that is my greatest life lesson. Forgiveness.


Posted by Autumn Goddess on 01/17 at 06:52 PM
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