Tuesday, February 15, 2005

…even for a Tuesday

What a day.  It’s hard for me to believe it is only Tuesday.  I feel like I have already been through a week’s worth of emotions and activities.  Knowing a break isn’t going to happen isn’t helping. 

Saturday night I found what I was looking for.  I realized, while in the shower, what I really want to do with my life.  I have written these things down a million times.  Okay, at least 50.  I have thought about them my whole life.  Since I was a small child and used to play by myself, I have had the same dreams.  Always the same.  So what have I been doing?

I want, very simply, to write, to learn, to teach, to be.

Maybe not exactly in that order, but all of those are an interregnal part of who I have always been.  I have always written, even if it was silly poetry only my mother could love.  I have always loved learning, it’s my passion.  Teaching is something I have always wanted to do, to pass on my knowledge and excitement for life. 

So when did I forget all of this? 

Was it that first education class I took in college?  Where I suddenly realized that to be a teacher, I would have to teach and be responsible and thought, oh no?  But that was 7 years ago.  I found, when thinking about it, that I no longer have the fear.

The learning, well I have known for awhile that I need to go back to school.  That’s what all the GMAT stuff was about.  That one is a no-brainer.

Writing is the hardest part.  Writing, and admitting that I want to write, that I love to write, is not something I truly want to admit.  It’s a secret dream.  A fantasy.  People dream of becoming writers, they dream, they try, they get turned down, they become depressed.  I never wanted to be turned down for my writing, so I didn’t do it.  Except that I still wrote, and write, constantly.  Look at this post!  It’s huge!

So, back to Saturday night.  Out of the shower, sitting in front of my computer, searching for a master’s program I found the perfect one.  MFA in Creative Writing.  The catch?  I have under 2 weeks to get everything in.  3 letters of recommendation, 3-4 pages of a “personal statement” and a 25 page manuscript.  Holy crap.  I didn’t think I could do it.  Till I started doing it. 

So, with the help of some very wonderful people (Georgia you are FABULOUS!) I am going to do everything I can to get this in, get this done, and cross my fingers I get in. 

I’ll write about the work traumas tomorrow…