Thursday, June 07, 2007

Epiphany

I had an epiphany tonight. 
I went to lunch with one of my older and most of the time, wiser team mates.  We’ve had several candid conversations about my job through the last two years.  We’ve talked about what I want to do and where I want to go and she’s attempted to help me get over my general malaise about work. 
I was telling her about my present situation, about my manager and the things he’s been doing.  How he’s been cutting me down in front of my co-workers and setting out to make me feel generally unworthy to be on his team.  I talked to her about what I should do, should I go one level up and talk to next person in line about this behavior? 
She suggested that I do that.  Some of the things that have been happening are really out of line, especially from someone who is as “seasoned” as my manager is supposed to be.  Ignoring an employee in meetings, or not showing up to meetings, telling the employee that their work is not a worthwhile effort, growling at an employee, writing nasty emails to an employee...well these things are generally frowned upon.
So, after weeks of thinking about this action, I have taken it.  I set up a meeting for next week.
Then the fretting started.  Should I really talk to this manager about my manager?  Is that fair?  What kinds of questions will this person ask me?  So I started thinking back...when did the behavior really start?
Then it hit me - like a ton of bricks it hit me. 
It all started with Tiny.
It all started over 6 months ago when I told my manager that I felt Tiny was personally attacking me. 
After that, my manager moved Tiny onto a pedestal.  And he moved me into the dog house for no real reason. 
Based on one situation, one I had no control over, my manager decided that I no longer worked for him.  Yes I was on his team, but I suddenly became someone for him to deal with instead of someone to work with. 
Everything that has happened since falls neatly into line behind this incident.
I’m really glad I set up that meeting.