Wednesday, June 06, 2007

Awake

I’m sick.  I’m awake.  My mind is racing and I can’t seem to get it to calm down.
It’s not that late yet.  Really, I’ve been walking around like a zombie for the last three days, so suddenly being awake isn’t a surprise.
A lot has been going on and I have a lot to think about.
Like the PMP.  That’s the Project Management Professional certification.  I’ve never done the math before, but I have all the “stuff” that’s needed to take the test.  Except, of course, the prep class and a management team that might be willing to stand behind me while I take the test.  It’s not a question of will I pass, I know I will.  I feel like I was meant to be a PM.  But having managers who believe the same thing...well that can be harder to come by.
Speaking of managers...mine doesn’t speak to me anymore.  He’s shown up late to every one on one I’ve had scheduled and we’ve even canceled the last two.  I kind of feel like, what’s the point?  I don’t want to do what he wants me to do and he doesn’t want to give me the chance to do what I want to do.  All he can be is angry about the fact that I changed my mind.  I can’t help it if I hate my job.  But I can change my life to be what I want it to be.  Just because he wants something different doesn’t mean I have to conform.  He’s not my father, he’s my manager.  He only thinks he’s my dad.  I don’t think he has any idea about me really…
Then there’s the job hunt.  Or race.  Apparently the one position that I want, that I am overly qualified for, is the one that everyone wants.  The interviews are getting tougher and tougher.  The last was a pre-screen that will be followed by a written response, or exam, or something.  You’d think I WAS testing for the position, not interviewing.  Unfortunately for my competition, if it comes down to a written response they are out of luck.  I am, after all, a writer.
The parade is in two weeks.  I am not confident about my costume or my ability to participate.  The participation is something I will get over, it happens every year.  Delilah changes things last minute and everything feels out of synch.  But the parade comes together like we’ve all been practicing for a year.  It’s her leadership that ultimately does it.
The costume...well that’s another story.  I don’t really love it.  White is not my color - as evidenced by the ivory wedding dress.  I’ll figure out how to make it work, and really it is for one day.  It will be fun regardless.  It always is.