Tuesday, January 24, 2006

At a loss

I’ve been feeling the January slump. 
After months of pushing, rushing and general business, everything feels as though it’s slowed down.  In reality it hasn’t.  Things are just as busy, if not more so, at work.  I’m starting to feel the stresses of increased responsibility and lack of knowledge and experience.  I joined a gym and have been attempting to go three to four days a week.  I’m back in school, working on the novel. 
It’s only the 24th of January, but I feel like I should be much further than I am. 
Part of the problem is the constant look forward that comes with project life.  We’re always looking forward, planning the next move, never really thinking about the here and now.  That kind of mentality stinks because it tends to bleed into everything else.
I’m starting to be effected.
I realized tonight that everything feels out of control.  I don’t feel like I have the time to write, I don’t feel like I have been putting in the effort needed to forward my story and I have no idea where the story is going.  Add to that the fact that we’re assigned to write a 3 to 5 page synopsis and it’s no wonder I’m freaking out.  I don’t work this way.  Part of me wants to drop the class right now and just take the book from the beginning.  Part of me also knows that I am getting valuable feedback from the people I meet there and shouldn’t give that up.  The rest of me knows that it is easy to quit.  It’s far too easy to quit.
So, instead of quitting I need to come up with a plan.  I need to do some research and I need to write.  I need to write a lot.  And I need to “keep the main thing the main thing.” I keep getting distracted from the main thing.  Mostly in the form of work. Because work freaks me out.  Because work is an easy distraction.  Life is an easy distraction. 
I think, what I really need, is to finish something.  I need to finish some projects that have been hanging over my head and I need to make a plan for the rest of it.