Thursday, February 10, 2005

Another one bites the dust…

So, I did it again. 
Seems that I have been doing a lot of things over again.
This time I re-took the GMAT and didn’t get the score I needed.  Again.
How is it possible to spend months studying something only to do worse than you did the first time?

I think perhaps it is a sign.  One of those things where I asked the Universe, “Hey Universe!  Tell me what I am supposed to be doing!” and it answered, “Well, You should really think of doing something else…”

Honestly I am beginning to wonder if I haven’t gotten caught up in that “Zero Sum Game” my mom is always warning me about.  The game most people play in life, the “better than the Johnsons” game where there is only one winner and you play as fast and furious as possible to make the most money, acquire the most things, have the best kids, and show up everyone else…Basically live your entire life as if it were some sort of competition and the winner takes all. 
Which isn’t how real life works. 
In real life everyone can be a “winner” if they choose.  It’s all about choice and doing what is best for you, there are as many types of winners as there are career choices, as there are types of yarn.
And I think the corporate game just isn’t for me.  I have always felt that.  I’m not that great at the game, I don’t really understand it, and I get caught up in worrying about the wrong things.  I’ve always somehow landed on my feet, but I believe that it was no fault of mine.  More like dumb luck.
Plus, I have been having the same songs go through my head.  One is this tune by Tori Amos that has the line, “I’m quite sure we’re in the wrong band.” Perhaps I am in the wrong band.