Friday, July 13, 2007

And so I Wept

I’m 99% sure I did not get the job. 
Evidence:
- It’s Friday and I haven’t heard anything
- The job req is closed.  They only close job reqs when someone accepts an offer

I figured this out late yesterday afternoon.  I went home and cried.  I allowed myself to be really, REALLY upset about the situation. 

After I wept, after the emotional release, I started thinking about some of the things people have been saying to me lately.  I’ve been running around and applying to positions that would be a lateral move for me.  I figured I would have to make a lateral move, get into a Jr. PM position before I could move into something more.  Even after I read the job descriptions and knew the job requirements, I was still shooting low.

I had yet to ask myself why.  Why am I aiming so low?  Why am I attempting to do something comfortable instead of shooting for a challenge?  Why in the world am I willing to put myself in the same frustrating position I’ve been in for the last 4 years, where I am doing all the crap work and not leading the effort like I want to?  What’s wrong with me?

This morning I am back on track.  I’m not applying for anything lateral anymore.  It’s time for me to think bigger and do what I know I can.  It’s time for me to be a leader.  I’ve already had a conversation with someone about possible positions they might know about.  They are going to do some checking and see where things stand in a few groups.  Meanwhile I will start applying like crazy for other positions.  Positions that would give me the challenge I am really ready, and qualified, for. 

Update: After contacting the recruiter, I found out for sure that I did not get the position.