Thursday, August 23, 2007
Nothing Better
Nothing is better that walking into the office with a full suitcase and a week’s vacation ahead of you. I felt so light and airy walking into the office – it was wonderful.
The feeling has since been dampened a bit by having to complete actual work before I go. That and the continual frantic interruptions by one of my co-workers after she realized I was leaving. She keeps glancing furtively at me and saying things like, “You’re leaving when? I don’t know if I will have my stuff done by then…do you think you can wait until have such and such done?”
The funny part about these conversations is the fact that she isn’t my boss anymore and I don’t have to do anything for her before I leave. She’s simply freaking out because I won’t be in just in case she might need me.
Regardless – I will be away from the office for 11 glorious days. Not to return until September 4th. I couldn’t be more excited about the prospect of NOT BEING HERE. It’s superb!
Tuesday, August 21, 2007
Priorities
If you want something you have to let something else go. That’s what I was reading the other day in one of my books. I’ve heard this over and over, thought about it, and meditated on it many times. But this particular book put it in a way that I have not thought about it before.
If you want to lose ten pounds you must release the jelly donut.
Now that seems perfectly logical and sane, but for some reason this time it really struck me. I have started to wonder, what exactly is my jelly donut? What am I holding onto that will not allow me to move onto something new?
I feel like I am so close to knowing what it is – so close to seeing it for what it is and being able to let it go. But something stops me at the last moment and I can’t quite get there….
Thursday, August 16, 2007
My Day
2 hours of Harry Potter – book 5 – The Order of the Phoenix, read by Jim Dale
3 hours of goofing off, chatting, instant messaging, walking aimlessly around the floor pretending to be looking for someone
20 minutes showing the intern my squishy collection
1 hour in two meetings, 20 minutes of each meeting spent chatting about various things
2 hours going to the post office and shopping for new tank tops for belly dance class
40 minutes doing actual work
A day well spent! I think it’s time for me to go home!
Wednesday, August 15, 2007
Laying Awake
I should be sleeping.
Instead I’m up, again, thinking about tomorrow. Thinking about something I have to do that I don’t want to do. Mainly bailing out Tiny, again. It’s so frustrating for me, knowing that he’s leveled higher than I am, he’s supposed to be “better” and “more experienced” and yet I am the one that bails him out when things get too hard. This time it’s all about documentation. The boss wants me to “help” Tiny with the project documentation that has to be done for the close of the project. “Helping” Tiny means doing it for him. Only I have to do it in such a way that he doesn’t feel threatened or he might attack.
I’m just so frustrated with my current position. I sit through classes where I already know the material. I talk to people about things I already know SO much about. And yet...and yet I can’t seem to get into the positions that will allow me to do all the things I know.
After every interview I keep thinking, “I’ve nailed it, this is the one for me” but they’ve all fallen through. I’m still stuck.
I know I’m tired. I’m mentally exhausted from the game I have to play at work. Pretending like it’s alright for me to be there every day, as if I don’t dread going there every morning. It’s completely depressing knowing that, no matter what I do, I will be completely passed over in my current position. All because I want to be something that doesn’t fit with the box they wanted to put me in.
I’m trying really hard to keep my spirits up, to keep telling myself that it will be okay a new position will come along.
But it just sucks to have to go to work every day, feeling like this.
Monday, August 13, 2007
One Year
Okay, so here’s where I am supposed to go into mushy detail about our first year together. You know, all that stuff about the long, loving looks, the way you hug me at the end of a bad day, the way we laugh together. And we do, we do all that stuff.
But that’s only part of it.
The rest of it is taking the garbage out so I don’t have to smell the stinkiness. Cleaning the shower for me, because I would rather take out the stinky garbage than clean the shower. Taking out the kitty litter. Cooking fabulous and healthy dinners. Surprising me with my favorite things. Helping me remember how fabulous I am, and how wonderful you are, every day of the year.
Growing with me, dreaming with me, loving each other.
That’s what it’s been about.
Thanks love. You really do take great care of me.
As you wake in the morning
What do you feel?
Does a rush of happiness
wash over you when,
Suddenly, you realize you are alive?
