Monday, July 16, 2007
I’m Crafty
This weekend I spent approximately 18 hours crafting. I finished 2 projects and am almost complete with the third. I would have finished the third if I’d been thinking a little more clearly about what I was trying to do, but that’s okay.
These projects are things that have been on my “back burner” for most of the summer. Nagging little projects that take a lot of time and craftiness, but things I really wanted to do. Now I’ve got 2, maybe 3, projects left and I’m feeling really good about the possibility of completing all of them!
I was planning on getting my resume updated this weekend and doing more soul searching about the job I really want. Instead I spent the weekend watching movies, my favorite TV shows and crafting. Giving myself a REAL break from the frantic pace I was setting in looking for something new. I have to say that I am feeling a lot better about not getting the job. I thought I really wanted it, but I didn’t. I really want to change what I am doing, but I also know that I want to lead. I want to take ownership of my work and be responsible for it. I don’t want others telling me what to do; I don’t want to be an admin anymore.
Not getting the job is a huge blessing. Being constantly turned down over these past few months gave me the time I needed to really get a handle on myself. I feel like I am getting closer to truly being ready to take on something bigger.
The best part about all of this – the nightmares have stopped. I’ve had horrendous nightmares for the last two weeks. People were dying, planes were crashing, people were getting lost, I was even shot a few times. Horrible, wake up in the middle of the night in a cold sweat kind of dreams. The kind that keep you up for hours afterward and affect the whole next day.
Since Thursday night I’ve had nothing but pleasant dreams. A coincidence? I think not…
Friday, July 13, 2007
And so I Wept
I’m 99% sure I did not get the job.
Evidence:
- It’s Friday and I haven’t heard anything
- The job req is closed. They only close job reqs when someone accepts an offer
I figured this out late yesterday afternoon. I went home and cried. I allowed myself to be really, REALLY upset about the situation.
After I wept, after the emotional release, I started thinking about some of the things people have been saying to me lately. I’ve been running around and applying to positions that would be a lateral move for me. I figured I would have to make a lateral move, get into a Jr. PM position before I could move into something more. Even after I read the job descriptions and knew the job requirements, I was still shooting low.
I had yet to ask myself why. Why am I aiming so low? Why am I attempting to do something comfortable instead of shooting for a challenge? Why in the world am I willing to put myself in the same frustrating position I’ve been in for the last 4 years, where I am doing all the crap work and not leading the effort like I want to? What’s wrong with me?
This morning I am back on track. I’m not applying for anything lateral anymore. It’s time for me to think bigger and do what I know I can. It’s time for me to be a leader. I’ve already had a conversation with someone about possible positions they might know about. They are going to do some checking and see where things stand in a few groups. Meanwhile I will start applying like crazy for other positions. Positions that would give me the challenge I am really ready, and qualified, for.
Update: After contacting the recruiter, I found out for sure that I did not get the position.
Wednesday, July 11, 2007
I’m a wreck
I’m waiting. I’m waiting for word about a new position. I’ve been told that the decision will be made this week, by the end of this week, and so I am trying to sit still and wait.
It’s driving me batty.
I’m having a terrible time trying to sit still. I’m attempting to keep myself busy by throwing myself into my work, but I am quickly running out of things to throw myself into. There isn’t much to do right now.
I can’t say anything to my co-workers, mostly because I don’t want to have to tell them I didn’t get another position if I didn’t get it. I’ve already been passed over for 2 positions and had to turn down 2 (for personal reasons.)
I’m okay when I’m at home, there’s nothing I can do at home. But here, at work, I have access to internet, email, instant messenger and the telephone. The hiring manager is a phone call or click away. The temptation to write and ask is huge. Heck she’s only a few floors away; I could walk to her desk and ask.
I won’t. I won’t call or click or anything like that, because I know that wouldn’t look so great.
But that doesn’t mean I don’t want to.
This is the worst part about looking for a new position – the waiting.
Tuesday, July 10, 2007
Christmas in July
Last Christmas Hubby and I decided to give each other experiences instead of tangible gifts. Hubby got me a night on the Washington Dinner train. Saturday we finally got to have the experience I’d gotten for us.
We went White Water Rafting.
Hubby had never been before. I’d been a few times in Colorado, but never in Washington.
We hit the Wenatchee river at the perfect time with a great guide. Our trip was ~18 miles long and took all day. It was great, we had so much fun!
Here’s a picture taken by some adventure shot company:
We had a blast! Now Hubby wants to hit some bigger, tougher rivers! Yippee!
Thursday, July 05, 2007
Happy 5th of July!
Received from one of my co-workers this morning:
-----Original Message-----
From: T
Sent: Thursday, July 05, 2007 8:34 AM
To: E
Subject: Today
Yo E-
Hope you had a great 4th of July and hopefully you are enjoying your breakfast right now!!! I just woke up and I don’t think work is realistic today. Yesterday got a little out of control!!! I know we got testing to do today and tomorrow, but I think we are OK on time. I am coming in early tomorrow morning to try to make up for the missed time. Sorry to leave you there alone and for the late notice, but I think you will be alright without A and I. I’m sure a couple of people are gonna be out of the office today, but if anyone asks I was wondering if you could just say that you KNEW I wasn’t gonna be here today. That my absence was preplannned and not just because I’m pretty hungover and exhausted. Hope this doesn’t cause any problems and I really appreciate it. And if M (the boss) asks, I’m just gonna say I forgot to put the out of office request on my status report. Thanks again and I hope you have a wonderful day. See ya tomorrow!
Thanks,
T
-------
Needless to say I read the message, laughed, and then went to tell Boss Man.
As you wake in the morning
What do you feel?
Does a rush of happiness
wash over you when,
Suddenly, you realize you are alive?
