Wednesday, October 25, 2006
The worst and the best of life:
Example One: One of the Family
I am now, officially, a member of my husband’s family. His crazy sister-in-law sent me a heart felt letter letting me know how much she missed me and was looking forward to seeing me in the future. This from the woman, who at my bridal shower said, “I am not responsible for my children, so if they mess anything up it isn’t my fault, giggle giggle giggle”
Fun!
Hubby said to expect more letters in the future…
Example Two: The transient nature of life
People are constantly coming in out of my life. Some through work, some through various activities that I participate in, some through birth and others through death. I’ve noticed how little this really affects me, at least on a grand scale. I might miss those that leave for a little while, but then I soon seem to forget that they were even around. I think about all the people I have known, the 200 or so that I knew at a previous job. I knew them all, their names, where they came from and little bit about each of them. I’ve known at least that many at my current job. And yet…it seems as though I have no attachment to them.
It is the same when people die. They are gone and that is that. It’s another passing, another life that is no longer part of mine. It’s incredibly sad, but the sadness doesn’t overwhelm me. I sometimes feel bad about that, perhaps I am not as touched as I should be…
I know that I feel differently when the person that passes is close to me, a family member or very close friend. I know that these people, the ones that are gone forever, have people who will mourn their passing for a long time. I tend to focus on those that need the help to stay living when that pillar in their life is no more. Still, it is strange how little those who are gone are really mentioned. Not that we mean to forget them, just that they are no longer here in physical form…
That may be too deep for a Wednesday morning.
Example Three: Cake
My group put together a cook book to raise money for charity. I purchased one. I’m not usually a big cooker, and had to give up on a lot of cooking at my last apartment because the oven wouldn’t come up to temperature. (I put a meatloaf in once, left it in for 45 minutes, the outside was nice and brown, the inside completely raw.)
Not so with this place! The oven works nicely, cooking everything evenly. Brilliant!
I decided to try out one of the recipes in the cook book and settle on the Coca-cola cake with Broiled Peanut Butter Frosting. Oh yeah – I hit the jackpot with this one folks! It is YUMMY. Of course, what cake wouldn’t be yummy with sugar, buttermilk, marshmallows, coca-cola and more? It’s a true Southern recipe. The frosting is the best part, and I know I will be using it on many baked goodies going forward.
I have decided to bake another cake for my group at work. Everyone is VERY excited to try it. All I have to say: Let them eat cake, cause it’s good!
Friday, October 13, 2006
Drama’s over, we can all go home now…
Right. So I was feeling pretty dramatic about life the other night. It had been brewing for awhile, mostly because I have been feeling overwhelmed with everything going on and not allowing myself the time I really needed to get things done. It’s a reoccurring theme in my life.
I’ve been rushing around trying to recover from the wedding, which I’ve been told actually takes a year. I believe it! The whole name change thing has been a small nightmare. I took charge of it, got all the paperwork done and thought I was well on my way. Unfortunately, things don’t always work like we think they should. My main issue was my social security card. I thought I did what the site told me, I filled out the forms and mailed it all in. I waited for two and a half weeks, but no new card. I was secretly freaking out about it.
I finally decided to just take the time I needed and went to the SSN office yesterday. I waited in line for an hour and finally got to talk to someone about it all. Apparently they only process the mail forms about once a month. If you are lucky. She went off to see if she could find my form, but never found anything. Great. So, we re-did the paper work and I re-applied for a new card. She said I should have the new card in 2 to 3 weeks.
The other thing that was really bugging me was the insurance. We had agreed to use my insurance company going forward, they give me a great rate and have been very nice. So it was up to me to add everything to it. I’d been carrying around the information for over a month with out having a chance to get it taken care of. I did that yesterday as well.
The last six weeks have been very busy at work. A person made a significant mistake that caused a two week delay. I’ve been working to make up the time and fix the continual problems arising from the mistake. I keep thinking that I am “out of the woods” and then something else comes up that puts me right back. It’s been trying and frustrating, especially considering how emotional this person is. It seems every criticism cuts them at a personal level and no “business” conversation can take place.
I’m looking forward to the weekend – we’re heading over to Pullman for homecoming! I’ve never been to Pullman, but Hubby went to collage at WSU. I have another friend who decided to go back to school and is living there. This weekend should be a great one, full of fantastic fun!
Wednesday, October 11, 2006
The answer is…
If only I knew the question. If only I knew any thing…
Right. So, tonight was the second class in my second year of writing. Last year felt like a monumental struggle. First with teachers, then with classrooms, and finally with a story that felt like it just wouldn’t GO anywhere. So I stopped writing that story and moved on to one of the secondary characters who seemed to be screaming my name. And that isn’t going anywhere.
I can’t seem to figure out how old she is, is she 27? 42? How deep are the lines on her face? What does she want? Why does she wake up in the morning?
Already so many issues with the story that I don’t know where to start.
Then comes writing class. Then come the questions. What is your hook? What is your pitch? How are you going to sell a clichéd story that has already been written since man first started to write? Where’s your character arc? What’s the hero’s journey all about? Theme? Villains? Conflict? Goals?
How I can answer any of these without a story?
Tonight was bad. The teacher critiqued us in front of the rest of the class. I turned in scene I agonized over. Seriously, I spent hours thinking and crafting this scene. I’ve thought about it, worked on it, thought about it some more, read it to people, I even turned in a version of it to a teacher last year. But this was bad. She said my prose was mechanical. That my character had no depth, she was only interested in her looks. That she didn’t understand what the story was about and how can I add conflict. The kicker, of course, is the fact that I am writing a romance novel. For some reason that seems to be a bad thing.
Deep down, though, I have to wonder just why it has hurt so badly. Am I really a writer? Am I really talented? Maybe the only thing I am good at is this blog, and I can’t even seem to keep that up lately. It’s a hard thing to consider. I’ve always wanted to be a writer, always dreamt stories up in my head, and thought about it. Right now, though, nothing seems to work. I can’t seem to get past the first scene of the novel. What happens next? I want to write it, but I feel paralyzed by all the questions, the concern, the what if’s.
How do I make it work? How do I get it down? How do I write 50,000 words by May? Can I? Is it even possible with Christmas, Thanksgiving, travel and family obligations, work going absolutely insane?
I just don’t know what to do…
As you wake in the morning
What do you feel?
Does a rush of happiness
wash over you when,
Suddenly, you realize you are alive?
