Monday, November 14, 2005
Update
I’ve added more to the story…
The most wonderful time of the year…
No, not Christmas silly, my birthday! My fabulous, wonderful birthday! I had THE BEST birthday weekend ever. Freeman and I went to a burlesque show on Thursday night. My dance teacher’s daughter was performing. I think she is an amazing dancer and she is very creative, so I thought it would be fun to see what she put together. I wasn’t let down at all. She did a great number to one of Elvis’s songs. It was a lot of fun.
We got home late and woke up late Friday morning. It was very nice to have a three day weekend for my birthday. Just one of the reasons I like having my birthday right where it is! Mom came up Friday morning and we went out to an early lunch. Then mom and I took off shopping! Yeah for shopping! I got a new coat; it’s very nice, light colored, waterproof and warm. All things that I needed in a coat for the winter time. Now I can walk home in the dark with more confidence. People at least have a chance of seeing me. We also got a few new shirts for work (thanks mom!) which I desperately needed.
Mom bought us a lovely cast iron tea pot. It’s got a terrific maple leaf pattern on it and has a blue hue. I really like it and I’ve already made a great pot of tea. It was a lovely think to do on Sunday after our Housewarming party. She also got me a great pair of PJ’s for the party. I think everyone should have a pair of sock monkey pj’s to party in! They were a hit.
By the way, Freeman and I had a housewarming party on Saturday night. It was a lot of fun. We had about 8 people over and sat around chatting and drinking and eating. We had “cartoon” hour where Freeman introduced a bunch of people to “robot chicken” a funky cartoon on the cartoon network. I found a new type of liquor, Patron XO café, a very tasty way to drink tequila. It’s actually tequila with coffee liqueur in it. I mixed it with hot chocolate for a very tasty treat.
All in all, I have to say it was a truly wonderful weekend. I was very blessed that everything turned out the way it did. Thanks everybody!
Getting a little confused?
During my writing class last week I penned the following, “He pulled out a pair of dark colored sox and walked over to the bed.” Notice the use of sox instead of socks.
I noticed this mistake when I read over what I had written. I even erased it and re-wrote the correct spelling. Today, during my lunch hour, I was reading what I had typed up and noticed the same mistake. I couldn’t help but laugh.
Someone has been spending too much time thinking about government regulations…
Tuesday, November 08, 2005
Trying my patience
Today I lost my patience. I’m not sure why, there was no specific reason for me to. But all day long I felt like an emotional bomb waiting to explode. I attempted to explode this morning, but I was quickly diffused by my co-workers. Good job, I say.
The rest of the day was filled with one almost explosion after another. I did my best to stay calm and just avoid situations that would lead me to losing my temper, and I did a really good job.
The mood continued into class tonight. I didn’t want to listen to the teacher lecture. I didn’t want to sit still. I wanted to walk, I wanted to write, I wanted to think about my characters. Instead I attempted to pay attention. I did write, and I only walked around during my breaks. I think I did well for myself today. Deep breath. Tomorrow will be better.
Part of my problem with my current situation is the book I am reading. I decided to pick up one of my teacher’s novels to see what it’s like. She seems very intelligent and very excited and she is, after all, critiquing my work. I wanted to see how this woman writes. I’m rather disappointed. I realize that I have only read her first novel. I picked up a couple of them to see if I can see her writing mature. I have been told that the first is the hardest and usually the roughest. I can believe it, but I wanted more from her. So, we’ll see. I’m giving it a chance, but I’m just not being held by the story telling.
So, not being held by the story irritates me. I feel like I should be more entertained than I am. I know it’s an important lesson. If my writing does not hold itself together, if I cannot entertain and keep people interested they will not read my writing anymore than I want to read hers. At least not at the moment. So…
I’m thinking after this I am going to read something I have read before that I know I enjoyed. I think I may be getting stumped in my own writing because I’m not reading something that really interests me. I know when I read really interesting, really cool stuff I write better. I’m thinking I’ve had enough with the bad writing and experimentation with new authors. I need to read stuff that interests me, keep me thinking and helps me expand my creativity.
Okay. All crises were averted today. I did not bite any one’s head of. I did not cause any problems with anyone (that I know of anyway.) And I made it home safely from class. Tomorrow is Wednesday, and since I have Friday off I am halfway through my week. As mom said earlier today, “Come on Friday!”
Sunday, November 06, 2005
Work…
So, there’s been this situation at work.
It’s something I have dealt with before, admittedly never very well, and something I am starting to believe I will always have to deal with.
Men. Not just any men, but men with low self esteem who target me with anger and hostility. And I think it is because I am a strong woman. So, this case specifically…
This is an older gentleman. Not one that I like, not one that I dislike. I can easily pick out his faults and see where he has gone astray and I try to not rub his mistakes in his face. If I were a man I could do it, probably pretty easily. But I’m not, I’m a woman and I have to be kinder than that. At least I attempt to be kinder than that.
Anyway – this guy has been openly hostile in meetings. He has openly attacked me and my opinions in meetings. Telling me that I am wrong and what I am saying it just plain stupid. The really stupid thing is, he’s the wrong one. But it doesn’t matter.
Okay. It’s happened a few times and the last time it happened I could feel myself at the end of my rope. One of my co-workers even said she could see fire coming out of my eyes. So I went to my manager and asked her what to do.
Ever so helpful, she sent me to his manager to get it figured out.
Long story short, on Friday they asked me to meet with him, and tell him how I feel. Here’s the kicker. Somehow he managed to make this whole thing my fault. He was re-acting to me. He said that I am so much smarter than he is; my intelligence is so far above his, that I intimidate him into being hostile. He said that he always feels like I am out to get him. That I am watching him and that I call out every mistake he makes.
The thing is…it’s not untrue. I do watch him, just like I watch every one on my team. I do correct mistakes, I do it to everyone. That’s part of the reason I am around. I pay attention, I listen, I keep people honest – or at least I try to.
What I don’t understand is the whole “you’re so smart it’s scary” thing that people keep pulling on me. Just like the “you’re so mature for your age” thing. I’m not that smart. I am in some areas. But so is everyone. And the whole mature thing, am I not old enough yet to just be my age? Because I no longer thing I am “mature for my age.” I think I’ve reached an age where my maturity has caught up with me. I know tons of people my age who are a heck of a lot more mature at this point. I’m just a kid anymore…
But, deep down inside, I’m worried. I’m worried about going to work in the morning. I am worried about seeing this guy, and my other co-workers who know something is up. I’m not looking forward to continuing to interact with my boss, who has become distant through out this entire thing and, really, wasn’t very helpful. After the whole confrontation she just kind of kicked me out of her office and said get back to work. Very supportive. The manager of the guy was the one to ask me if I was okay. Sheesh.
I really just want to call in sick for this week and stay home. But I can’t. I have to go to work. I have to be the team player I always am. I have to put my chin up and be strong.
Being an Adult sucks.
As you wake in the morning
What do you feel?
Does a rush of happiness
wash over you when,
Suddenly, you realize you are alive?
