Tuesday, July 11, 2006
Starbucks is talking to me
Starbucks has these nifty little sayings on their cups. They call them “They Way I See It” I think it’s a rip-off from something NPR does every morning, but hey, who am I to judge?
Today F was nice enough to buy me some coffee after we had a wonderful, relaxing lunch. (This was after the waiter grilled me about my allergy to shellfish. They ASKED if I had any food allergies, so I told them. Shellfish. The waiter got all worried and had another guy come over and talk to me about it. I felt embarrassed to have all these people concerned about eating their food. I’m sure they have had an incident lately and that’s what all the fuss what about, but really. I don’t need to spend 10 minutes explaining my food allergy. I just won’t order the shellfish. And if I get a tummy ache – well – it won’t be the first time or the last. As long as I don’t eat crab, lobster or clams there won’t be an issue. Just a tummy ache.)
Anyway...back to the cup. I was just sitting here, at my desk, minding my own business when I read the side of the cup.
“The irony of commitment is that it’s deeply liberating – in work, in play, in love. The act frees you from the tyranny of your internal critic, from the fear that likes to dress itself up and parade around as rational hesitation. To commit is to remove your head as the barrier to your life.” --Anne Morriss
Apparently she’s a customer in New York City. They put this about her on the cup “She describes herself as an ‘organization builder, restless American citizen, optimist.”
Personally, I think she’s a genius. Way to go Starbucks.
Wednesday, July 05, 2006
Sinking Feeling
Things are starting to heat up at work and with the wedding. The heightened stress levels became apparent to me via my dreams last night. I am pretty sure that anyone can see the symbolism in these…
Exhibit A: That Sinking Feeling
I was on a boat, a ship, a brigade from the 15th century. We were sailing through a narrow channel and it was a bright sunny day. The ship was full of people that I like to work with, people I get along with. Suddenly another ship, just like ours, comes sailing towards us, straight on. I can see people on the deck that I don’t like, people I feel may be causing more stress than they are worth. The boat slams into ours and we start sinking.
Exhibit B: That Splashing Feeling
I was on a flattened cardboard box on a man made water course. It wasn’t one of those nice water courses you see at the water parks, where people go gently gliding past on over-sized donuts. No, this was a rushing torrent of water, with dangerous drop-offs, twists, turns and obstacles. And I was smack dab in the middle of the torrent, on a card board box, hanging on for dear life and half drowning in the process.
Needless to say, I didn’t sleep well last night. I finally gave up about 3am and went to sit in the living room. I was exhausted, knew I was exhausted, but couldn’t get my mind to stop swirling. All the things that I simply must get done in the next 3 to 5 weeks has been overwhelming my small brain. I don’t know how I, or anyone for that matter, will be able to get everything done. I try to talk to people about it, but they all look at me as thought I have nothing to worry about.
I realize that every one I work with is overwhelmed. We all have too much to do and not enough time to do it in. And it isn’t that I can’t DO the work, it’s more that I am not sure what the work is I should be DOING. I’ve not done any of this before and people pretty much leave me on my own to figure it all out. I do think it’s partly my fault; I am so competent that people forget I have no idea what I am doing. And when I remind them, they all seem so surprised…
The wedding, it is the wedding. I can’t seem to take more than very small chunks of it at a time. I know it drives my mother nuts, but I don’t know what to do about that. I simply know that I cannot, CANNOT, do everything but I don’t know who will. Mom doesn’t want to think about certain parts of the wedding, she’s only concerned with the Ceremony. And I understand that. But, well, that leaves the reception up to me. And me alone. Because I don’t know who to ask for help on that front. I’d like to get others involved, but I don’t seem to be asking the right questions to actually have people take action to help me. Perhaps it is the same problem I am having at work. I seem competent so people figure I have it handled, even though I keep telling them I have no idea what I am doing.
And when I talk about it people just smile at me and tell me everything will be fine. Well sure, to them everything will be fine. They don’t have to think or worry about any of it. I do.
Wednesday, June 28, 2006
Don’t Give yup Yet…
Sporadic blogging will continue until after August 18th. Until after I get back from my honeymoon. Until after I become and MRS instead of a MS or MISS.
Last night we were working on making reservations for the honeymoon. We’ve decided to take a trip up to Victoria, B.C. for a few days of fun and relaxation. We found this odd looking place to stay that isn’t too expensive, and we’re going for it! I think we are both excited about heading up there. Neither of us have ventured to the Island, and it looks like a great place to visit. Yeah for vacations! I realized, as we were registering for the trip, that it was the last time I would be registering for a trip under my maiden name. I guess it is one of those bitter-sweet kind of things. I’m happy to take his name, but at the same time, I have had this one for a really long time. It seems like a really strange thing to do to a person, take away the name they have always had. Oh well.
Until the honeymoon, though, we will be doing nothing but hectic running around. We’ve got so much left to do, so many little things to start thinking about, so much shopping to accomplish! And 45 (or is it 44?) days to do it all in! I can hardly believe that 6 months have almost gone by.
This last weekend was good. Mark and Breeayne had a two day layover in Seattle, so we picked them up from the airport and went out to dinner. Breeayne really wanted to visit a sandy beach, so we trucked down to Golden Gardens and walked the beach a bit before dinner. Friday we took them to the Locks and I think my brother was in heaven. Big, beautiful boats going by, salmon running through the fish ladders, the sun shinning. If he had his fishing pole it would have been perfect. We met up with mom and dropped them off with her.
The sun was shinning all weekend so Freeman and I went on a bike ride Saturday. There was an exhibit at the MOHAI that I had wanted to see for awhile. None of my friends could seem to make the time, so we just took off and went together. I’m glad that we did. The exhibit that I wanted to see what nothing like what I expected. There were tons of miniature outfits, complete with shoes, purses, hats and gloves, on little wire dolls. Theater de la Mode is what it was called. It was really cool. There was also an exhibit for a Seattle P-I photographer, Phil Webber, that had passed away. That was VERY cool. Seeing his photos from the last 50 years were incredible. Freeman and I had a great time at the museum and then we rode our bikes home. It was a great way to spend a Saturday.
Monday, June 19, 2006
It Fit! Well…sorta…
I tried on my wedding dress yesterday and it fit for the most part. It’s a little on the tight side, but I’ve still got time to lose some more weight. I’m losing faster now, since my body is in better shape (finally). It’s pretty exciting!
After the dress try on, mom and I went shopping and just spent some girl time together. Between everything I’ve got going on at home and at work, I’ve been pretty distressed lately. And off the charts emotionally speaking. I know I been crazy, I can see it, but like a freight train I just couldn’t stop it from happening. Mom and I had some great conversations, though, and I think it helped a lot.
We also hit the Freemont Solstice Parade on Saturday. I’ve never actually seen the parade, I was in it two years in a row, but never actually saw it. It was fun to see everyone and what their little “acts” were. Some were really cool and others weren’t that great. Freeman and I spent the day walking around town, people watching and taking in the sites. It was a lot of fun to just spend the day with him.
Now it’s back to work!
Friday, June 09, 2006
Friday!
The last two week my allergies have taken a turn for the worse. I have been suffering like I haven’t suffered in a long time. My current allergy subscription wasn’t helping, at all. I know I can take Benadryl and the allergies will stop, for the most part, but the side effects from this drug are numerous. The main one being I feel drugged. I can’t quite think like I normally do, things are hazy and I am in a medicine fog.
Last night I hit the ceiling of symptoms. I was laying in bed, with an itchy throat, itchy nose, itchy eyes, even the inside of my ears were itchy. I thought perhaps I just needed a little more water, so I drank a glass. It didn’t help. Finally I gave up. I took the Benadryl. The symptoms went away, but the side effects were incredible.
All night I had crazy dreams. And not my normal crazy dreams, I had dreams of mutants, disasters, and just plain weirdness.
The most interesting one by far was walking into a house, walking up the stairs and looking down to see a swirling mass of water quickly rising to overtake me. It was incredible. I was completely calm looking at all the water, it didn’t bother me until I woke up. Weird.
In other news….
The wedding planning is coming along nicely. We got most of the invitations mailed out this week with a few more left to get off. I’m planning to get those done this weekend. We picked up Freeman’s wedding band on Monday – he was very excited about it! My dress is in, now I have to find time for the fitting, and I was able to find the cutest pair of shoes ever.
Work is crazy. I’m working on user manuals, online help fines, glossaries, data dictionaries, and testing. I’m almost nuts with how much work I have to get done. Almost. But I am hanging in there knowing in two months things will settle down. And I will be getting married. Plus I know if I put in my time now, work really hard, I will get rewarded later. I hope.
Class is out for the summer. I need to get my application in for next fall, but I can wait a little longer to get that done. I’ve found a renewed interest in my characters and am finally excited about the story again. My group has started meeting regularly again, which helps a lot in the motivation front. Yeah!
Erin is up for the weekend. Her guy’s mom is graduating this weekend with her Masters. I’ll get to see her a little bit, but not a ton. I’m sad not to see her a lot, but excited that I get to see her at all!
Off to work again!
As you wake in the morning
What do you feel?
Does a rush of happiness
wash over you when,
Suddenly, you realize you are alive?
